Nawm

teufelskueche:

Don’t cry.

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

zombiekunoichi:

neosdex:

izikk:

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

sketchydoodle:

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

zombiekunoichi:

izikk:

DON’TTOUCHHISBEAUTIFULFACERHINO

I will forever touch that face in more ways than one, izi. And you will like it.

GSOOS. I am not asian mango. LMFAOBUTIWANNATOUCHHISFACE. 

I SAID HIS FACE. NOT YOURS. WHY WOULD I TOUCH YOURS. i touch yours every night. //wiggle eyebrows

omg you guys

WHAT THE HELL MAN. WHAT. THE HELL. AND.. WHAT.. I.. WHAT. I DON’T GET IT. IN WHAT CONTEXT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’LL TOUCH HIS FACE WHICHEVER WAY YOU WANT AND THAT I WILL LIKE IT? HOW WILL I LIKE IT? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? RHINO. I AM CONFUS. I AM AS CONFUS AS OBOCAT. WHAT THE HELL.

WHY ARE YOU SO CONFUSE? I THOUGHT OWLS KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON 24/, ALL DAY, E’RRY DAY. AND DON’T PLAY DUMB, IZI. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S GOING ON HERE. JUST LIKE YOU’LL KNOW WHAT’S GONNA GO ON LATER TONIGHT. DO. NOT. SLEEP. IZI. EVER. NEVER EVER.

I AM CONFUS BECAUSE I CANNOT FIND THE OJAY THAT WE HAD IN THE FRIDGE SOME TIME AGO. I WAS HIGHLY DISAPPOINT ALSO BECAUSE I COULD NOT FIND THE BATHROOM THAT WAS LOCATED WITHIN THE PREMISE OF THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THE LUMPY MOLE PEOPLE KEPT STARING AT ME WHILE I BRUSHED MY TEETH IN THE MOUTH OF A LARGE ALLIGATOR NAMED WINNONA. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I WAS THERE , BUT LIKE, THERE’RE SOME THINGS THAT YOU DON’T ASK YOU KNOW? AND ANYWAYS I COULDN’T FIND MY CANDLE. IT WAS GONE. IT WAS FUCKING GONE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU PROBABLY STROKED IT BEFORE I WENT TO BED. GSOOS. FAWK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? NOW I GOTTA GO STROKE THIS ASIAN MAN’S FACE.

I DRANK THAT SHIT THIS MORNING AFTER OUR SPECIAL TIME, YOU IDIOT. I EVEN SERVED YOU IN BED. ARE YOU HIGH? AND HOSPITALS DON’T HAVE BATHROOMS, THEY NEVER DID. WHAT KIND OF SICK HOSPITAL DID YOU GO TO? BATHROOMS? OMFG, IZI. I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU AN— oh …the candle. Y-yo know about it? U-um … well, izi, baby … you know you’re my favorite, right? Well, you know that one night I said I was gonna go restock our supply of marshmallows and then I came back like … the next day with no marshmallows? Uh, um, damnit …this is awkward. I … IZI OUR SON ISN’T YOURS. I TRIED TO TELL YOU. BUT I WAS TOO BUSY POURING MYSELF SOME FRIGGIN’ ORANGE JUICE AND YOU WOULDN’T SHUT UP ABOUT THE BATHROOMS IN THE HOSPITAL. I’M SO SORRY. OH GOD. OH GOD.

and btw we need to switch to another brand of orange juice. Just saying. That one you usually buy is … damn. Leaves a weird aftertaste.

YOU DID WHAT? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THOSE MARSHMALLOWS AND MY CANDLE? GSOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. WHAT THE FUCKERY IS THIS? I AM HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED. WHAT ABOUT OUR SON? WHAT IS THIS? ARE YOU CHEATING ON MY- OH MY GOD,WHAT WILL THE PANAMANIAN CIRCUS FLEA NEIGHBOURS THINK OF THIS? THINK OF THE MOLE PEOPLE AT THE HOSPITAL? WHAT KIND OF PARENT WOULD THEY THINK I AM? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. AND STOP STROKING CANDLES. THEY AREN’T YOUR CANDLES. 
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC WITH THIS? WHO’S THE FATHER, RHINO? WHO IS THE FATHER? DO I HAVE TO GO GET FUCKING DOCTOR PHIL OR MAURY IN HERE? OR JERRY SPRINGER? IS THIS SOME KIND OF PSEUDO-METAPHOR DEEMED TO THROW ME OFF GUARD OF SOME SORT? DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE? WHERE IS THE HOSPITAL? YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SO. WE COULD HAVE BOTH WENT TO THE HOSPITAL BATHROOM, AND GOTTEN THOSE PAPERS? NOW. NOW I HAVE TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY ASPARAGUS CHEEKS, MELTING OFF THE FLESH TO THE FLESHY MUSCLE UNDERNEATH AS THE ACIDIC LIQUID DRIPS OFF MY NOSE AND INTO A FINE PUDDLE WHICH WILL INEVITABLY END UP TURNING INTO A PATH OF MOLD AT ONE POINT. WHO IS GOING TO CLEAN THIS? NOT YOU. I AM. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY THAT OUR SON IS NOW GOING TO GROW UP DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULT AND THAT WE CANNOT FIND THE HOSPITAL BATHROOMS AND THAT THERE IS A FUCKING PATCH OF MOLD THAT IS IN THE PROCESS OF GROWING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR. YOU’RE LUCKY I DIDN’T GET THE FRIGGIN’ DISCIPLINARY STRAW.  

OMG the love you guys share… it’s.. beautiful QnQ

IZI. YOU SAW THE FUCKING VIDEO TAPES. YOU WERE THE FIRST ONES TO BUY THEM. DON’T YOU REMEMBER YOUR MARSHMALLOWXCANDLE FETISH? IT’S WHY I DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, DUMBASS. YOU PUT ME UP TO THIS. SO GUESS WHAT? WHEN OUR CHILD IS LIVING WITH THE PAN— *quickly checks how to spelled that* PANAMANIAN FLEA CIRCUS NEXT DOOR, GUESS WHAT THEY’LL SAY ABOUT US? GUESS. THAT YOU PAID FOR ME TO STAR IN MARSHMALLOWXCANDLE PORN ALL FOR YOUR SELFISH, ASPARAGUS-CHEEKED, ACID-TEARY SELF. AND … YOU DID NOT JUST BRING MY FATHERS, JERRY SPRING AND DR. PHIL, INTO THIS. YOU. DID. NOT. JUST. GO. THERE. UGH. IZI, I SWEAR TO BUDDHA, I WILL RAISE OUR SONS AGAINST YOU AND HAVE THEM KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. AND ALSO. I PUT OUR HOUSE FOR SALE WEEKS AGO. IT SOLD. SO THAT MOLDY FLOOR? NO LONGER OURS. I AM NOW LIVING UNDER A BRIDGE AS I TYPE THIS OUT—-SHIT, INTERNET CONNECT HERE IS BAD AN—-AFRO GTFO WITH YOUR OPRAHNESS. THIS ISN’T ALLOWED HERE. WE’RE TRYING TO BE A BETTER FAMILY.

hey. remember to pick the kids up after school next week …actually make that forever. Cause, I’m homeless and all, you know.

Alright. come home to my box. we will share it. And we will raise our son(s? what the fuck? when did you give birth to more than one?) and then we will eat salamanders and LIVE ON THE EDGE. LIKE MY FOREFATHERS IN THE OLDEN TIMES. WHERE PEOPLE WERE SUBJUGATED TO THE EVIL TYRANNY OF NROS’ ANCESTORS BECAUSE THEY FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEIR FUCKIN POTATO CHILD.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND THEM? GSOOS. I CAN’T EVEN FIND THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. FFFFFFF. AND WHERE DID THOSE VIDEOS GO ANYWAYS? DID YOU SELL THOSE TOO LIKE YOU DID WITH THE HOUSE? WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I REMEMBER THIS? IT’S ALL FUCKING NROS’ FAULT WITH HIS FUCKING POTATOR SHITTING WIZARDS OUT OF HIS NOSTRILS LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE. WHAT THE HELL. WHERE IS MY CHILDREN. HOW

WHAT. 

WHAT IS THIS.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU IMPREGNATE? AND WHERE IS THE CAT? WHERE IS OBOCAT? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? DID YOU EAT HER IN YOUR HASTE? AND DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK OF MY ASPARAGUS CHEEKS. I will have to go find a fucking polar bear or something to strangle you with a telephone wire of some sort. 

Where’s my box? Where did I put my eyes anyways? christ, I can’t even fucking see right now. Where’s my candle? where’s my life insurance?

RHINO. YOU JUST CAN’T LEAVE A DISABLED PERSON TO DRIVE. CRYST. WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GO? I CAN’T EVEN FIND THE KIDS’ SCHOOL IF I CAN’T FIND THE HOSPITAL. AND WHERE DID YOU PUT THE CAR? DID YOU LOSE IT IN THAT CESSPOOL OF A HOUSE THAT BELONGS UNDER THAT BRIDGE OF YOURS? WHERE’S ALFREDO? YOU DIDN’T EAT HIM DID YOU? GSOOS. WHERE IS YOUR LIFE GOING? 

I still want my candle back. and my marshmallows.

I … *sniffs* I …  Izi, owl, hoot hoot baby … we can’t keep doing this. To ourselves. To our children, to that one foreigner living in our basement that I may have tied up and forgotten all about. We just … we can’t. That’s why …I leave you to the banshee-babboon-whatever the hell he is now, Afro-Neos-whatever-the-fuck.

*sniffs* Y-you two make such a lovely couple and I’ve only been in the way of your true love. I’m so sorry for robbing you of all these years. Giving you only loveless breakfast in bed and children that don’t even exist. Go. Go, Izi. Go make amazing orange juice with your true intended to be. May you both live happily ever after and maybe invite me to the wedding? … N-no. Don’t. It would be too much for my icy-cold-heart to bear. Instead … I will ride off into the sunset, maybe I’ll reach the sun and melt away. But just know, you will a~lways be the wi~nd beneath my wi~ngs.

A-Alright.. *sniff* I know… I know this has been hard for the both of us. Thankfully, I found the hospital in those minutes of silence between us. I found my eyes too…! I had them closed and I opened my eyes to the light above! I seen the giant flying spaghetti monster that is the binding light of pastafarianism and I wish you the best of luck in the future. I hope you don’t forget about the wild saucerbeasts and that you don’t get eaten by giant wacky waving arm inflateable tube men like that one time on our honeymoon. And don’t forget to wash your nose. You know how your nose gets if it isn’t properly deboogerfied. You start having gnomes coming out of ever orifice. 

Well, I will leave alfredo in your care, and the cactus named Hassan. 

I will forever remember you, when you used to lick my toes and then eat the toejams, making wonderful sandwiches for the homeless. ;u; then puking on them and we laughed as they ran away in terror of our monstrous farting noises and shot bags of shit at them.

ahh, such nice memories. 

But, alas, we must part our ways now, for my life now lies with this potato-banshee-baboon-wizardshitting man.

Goodbye.

<333

tl;dr

(Source: )

meme-spot:

OH YEAH! DON’T STOP! KEEP SPREADING THAT BUTTERY LOVE YA’LL!

(Source: meme-spot)

my-nymphet:

kayleejennnn:

GREATEST THING I’VE EVER READ

OMGGGGG